This Won't Take Long

I am repeatedly confounded at the superb quality of enticement that numerous fellow Substack writers display in their teaser bits and previews, to the point that I'm stunned to find that almost none of them have a background in working up ad copy. Seriously, ladies and gents, give yourselves a round of applause.

Now take one of those hands and slap your forehead with it, because several of you are about to lose one of your Free Tier subscribers.

I could well and accurately be labeled a parsimonious penny-pincher, largely because I'm just a lower-middle-class working fellow, a member of the janitorial staff at a Midwestern casino. I've got four kids at home, a dog presently dying of cancer, a manageable mortgage and bills thanks to my wife's shrewd budgeting skills, and a newer vehicle that I'm making payments on and keeping up with by the skin of my teeth. I don't have spare scratch to parse out to even my favorite Substack creators, much as some of them undoubtedly deserve financial backing for their efforts.

The incessant drive for loads of us to convert Free Tier subscribers to financially-supporting Paid Tier ones is understandable, and each and every one of us would be lying if we said we'd never considered it. For God's sake, even I have material behind a paywall. However, I don't float out teasers, previews, or prompt pieces designed specifically to try and lure people into upgrading from Free to Paid, and for a couple of reasons.

1- I don't truck with the idea of crowbarring someone's support out of them with teasers. That's fine for commericals for television shows or movies, but for digitally written and published material on Substack, the technique feels dirty and underhanded.

2- I'd always prefer the direct approach, so that I don't feel swindled, tricked or bamboozled. In an era rife with people not getting what they were promised, it doesn't strike me as a good idea to consciously go out of my way to rope someone in with the promise of an engaging story, only to cut them off a tenth of the way in to tell them 'Hey, now that I have you emotionally or intellectually invested in this piece, I need you to be FINANCIALLY invested as well before you get anything more". It feels like looking up at the sky as Lucy has once again yanked the ball away, and I'm about to grumble "Good grief" under my breath.


I can appreciate the talent that goes into preparing a tease piece, believe me, I can. Figuring out just how to set up the right segues can be challenging, and I commend the clever ones who pull it off without it reading poorly. However, I can't help feeling more than a little cheated when I hit the "Upgrade Now" button with my eyes, and hear myself groan and utter the inevitable "Oh, fuck you" that will issue from twixt my lips.

Understand that this isn't a knock on anyone's skills or abilities as a creator, no. It's a knock on the constant need to try and dive into my wallet, folks. I haven't the resources to spare you, and for some, if the tactic persists, I'm just going to slip away into the ether, not even bothering with their free material anymore, because at that point, I'll be like the junkyard dog just waiting for that next kick to swing out, wondering if maybe I should just take the chance, since there's no leash holding me in place, to kind of saunter away from the property...